Snow Day

We took advantage of the only real snow day we had this winter. We headed up to my Dad's house to make a snowman and go sledding. Shawn loved it. Evan hated it.

This snowman melted within three days.

Sledding

As I prepare to go to my OB tomorrow I can't help but think about what I initially made this appointment for. I was approaching the end of my first trimester and was ready to get started on my visits to check on my new baby. Unfortunately I am now using that appointment for a follow up visit from having a D&C last Friday. If my blog was public I wouldn't be talking about this, but since I know everyone that reads this, I feel comfortable sharing. I actually think it will help me to express my thoughts and feelings.

I started having some bleeding and cramping last Thursday evening so we went to the ER where they did some tests and an ultrasound. They sent us home with a "wait and see" diagnosis. However, after going to the restroom the next morning, I knew I lost the baby. I called my doctor, who was going to call me anyway as a follow up from the ER. I told him what was happening and he told me what he found from the ultrasound at the ER. We had definitely lost the baby and had to decide what to do next. After some thought and prayer we decided to do a D&C.

Everything went well with the D&C. My doctor was so kind. We were home a few hours later. Before the procedure and that evening, I was sad, but felt unusually calm and okay. Saturday was a different story. I stayed in bed most of the day, not because I felt bad physically, but because I couldn't get myself to get up. Jon's family came over to visit in the afternoon and I didn't even come down to say hello for at least 1/2 hour. Jon and I decided to go out to dinner while his family watched the kids. Maybe getting out of the house would make me feel better. It didn't. We came home right after dinner. I sobbed the rest of the night. Jon didn't know what to do for me. At one point he was holding me and trying to comfort me and I just screamed at him "We lost a baby and you don't even care! You don't even care!" He didn't deserve it. He was there for me through all of this and was so nice and sensitive to what I needed. He just shows emotions different. I was throwing all my built up pain and sorrow at him. I haven't felt that elephant on my chest, throat closing in feeling since my mom passed away.

I am doing better and the sadness comes and goes. On Tuesday we were heading to Costco and I started to cry. Shawn asked me why I had tears and I told him I was sad about the baby. He said, "Don't think about sad things Mom. I am sad about our little baby dying too, but it's okay, our little baby is in heaven. We will get another little baby, it will just take a lot more days." Then he went right back to teasing Evan. That little boy was inspired to say what I needed to hear.

My neighbor down the street recently bought the new book by Stephanie Neilsen. She's an LDS woman who was severely burned in a plane crash. The book tells her story and talks about how she came through that major trial. Anyway, my neighbor dropped it off the day before all this happened because I had asked her if i could borrow it. It was perfect timing. Reading Stephanie's hardships and struggles really put things into perspective for me and made me very grateful for the blessings and life that I have.

I have definitely learned a lot from this experience. I treasure my boys more. When they are driving me crazy I remind myself how lucky I am to have them. I have learned things never to say to someone that has had a miscarriage. I have learned that dropping off flowers, a card, a treat, a meal means so much and is better (at least for me) than trying to say the right things. I have also learned how much this happens. I knew that miscarriages were pretty common, but I am honestly shocked at how many women have told me they lost one or several to miscarriages. I had no idea. It is awful.

I am so thankful for the amazing support and love I have felt from my family, neighbors and friends. I have such great people in my life. Thank You!

Surprise Getaway

Last weekend Jon and I got my sister to watch our kids for a date night. Jon wouldn't tell me where we were going but said we should dress up a little (not jeans and a t-shirt). Then right before we left he told me I might want to pack a bag. He had arranged for an overnight getaway downtown. He really wanted to pull the whole thing off as a surprise, but could not figure out how to pack a bag for me. Apparently the idea of trying to figure out all my hair, makeup, and clothes needs was too overwhelming.

We walked around downtown for a little while before our reservations at The Roof. The views of temple square from The Roof Restaurant are unbeatable. They have delicious food and even yummier dessert. It was a fun and romantic dinner.

Afterwards I was trying to talk Jon into going to a movie or going somewhere else because we didn't have the kids and could stay out as late as we wanted. He convinced me to go check into the hotel and then decide from there. As we drove in the direction of the Grand America I tried not to get my expectations up. I have always wanted to stay there, but it just seemed too expensive (especially when you can just sleep at your own house 30 minutes away). However, Jon was able to get a great deal through his work so we were both happy. As we drove in I was so excited and Jon said he wished he had the camera to capture the look on my face. I was SO glad he talked me into not going to a movie. As Jon was checking us in I was checking out the lobby with the gigantic flower arrangement that smelled divine and I mozzied (is that how you spell it) on over to the little table with free cookies and drinks. We took our stuff up to our room which had a king bed, beautiful living room, marble bathroom and amazing views of the mountains. Then we toured the hotel. Everything was gorgeous.

The next morning we considered having the breakfast buffet at the hotel, but neither of us were hungry still because of how much we ate at The Roof. Instead we decided to head to Einstein Bagels, but on the way there we passed Backers Bakery, which happens to be my grandpa's favorite place since he was little. It has been in business for over 70 years. I remember getting their cakes all the time for my grandpa's birthday and my cousin Jenae and I would fight over who got the pretty pink flower. How could we not go there for a little breakfast treat.

I am such a lucky girl. Jon is so good to me and really knows how to make me happy. I felt so loved that he would plan a special night away especially when I know how much he hates to spend money. :) What a great husband I have!

Bryce Canyon 2012

My family went to Bryce Canyon every Presidents Day for as long as I can remember. This is our first year back since my mom got sick. I was pregnant with Shawn the last time we went. It would be an understatement to say I was excited for this vacation. I love Bryce Canyon! It is so beautiful and peaceful. The little hotel we stay at has a really fun country store, huge fireplace with couches, a pool and more. Shawn tried cross-country skiing and loved it. Shawn's favorite parts of the trip were swimming and throwing snowballs. Well, at least we drove 4.5 hours for him to do that. We had a blast though and we were sad to leave.

Driving down

Our first photo in the park

After throwing many snowballs while we took in the views, Shawn found himself a seat.

Most of my family came down for part of the time we were there. Evan loves being with Grandpa. At one point he was just sitting there yelling for "Gampa"

I let Shawn choose some of our poses

At the hotel they had a kids craft time so Shawn made a felt lizard and a button (which you see him coloring here)

Here are all the girls that came. Allison and James did not come, but don't feel bad for them, they were on a cruise.

I wanted a picture of me kissing Evan's cheek, but he wanted nothing to do with that.

Happy Valentines Day

For FHE the night before we wrote reasons we love each other on paper hearts. Followed by making and decorating heart sugar cookies. We let Even frost and sprinkle his own cookie which he thought was heaven.

Shawn was very proud of his creations

Thank you Pinterest for giving me the idea of sending my husband to work with a gift for every hour of the day

I must really love Jon since I woke up at 5:45 to make him breakfast and a sack lunch before he left for the day. Then I ran on the treadmill for several miles followed by making these strawberries (counter productive, I know). Made the kids breakfast and gave them baths. Which means that by 9:00 AM I didn't want to do anything else for the day. Shouldn't I have Valentines off from cooking and cleaning?

The table set for our "fancy" dinner.

Shawn making Evans and his heart shaped pizza

He decided to add a smily face at the last minute

family self-portrait

I took this picture of Evan eating dinner and then asked him to smile....

This is what I got. He isn't mad in this photo. This was his attempt to smile.

What happens when you let kids eat chocolate, candy, cookies all day....well you know. Luckily I have Jon who was willing to suffer the consequences of my bad parenting while I sat a watched T.V. for a little break. That's true love.

We had a fun-filled (more like chocolate-filled) Valentines Day. Hope yours was good as well.

Christmas Week

We had such a great Christmas this year. Everything went well, we got a lot of great stuff, nobody was sick, weather wasn't bad, etc. One thing I did learn from doing this blog is that we need a new camera desperately. Maybe that will be on my next wish list.

Of all the gifts Evan got from Jon's family, this fireman hat might have been his favorite. Funny thing is, they got the hat for free at a restaurant.

Christmas morning I had an elaborate Christmas breakfast planned, but decided I didn't want to spend my morning in the kitchen so we had snowman pancakes and sausage instead. The kids thought it was great.

Santa had two sets of trains for the boys all set up in the living room. They played with the trains and ate breakfast for almost an hour before asking about the stack of wrapped gifts behind each train set.

We had to beg Evan to open gifts because he was too fascinated with the trains. We finally gave up and let him open gifts later.

Look at this face of pure joy. The thing he is holding, with all of his heart, is a cowboy costume I picked up in the Halloween clearance section. He was so excited to get it, tried it on once and hasn't cared since.

Boys of all ages love remote control cars. Well, I have to admit, it was pretty cool.

After church we went to my dad's to open gifts (didn't take any pictures) and then went to Jon's grandparents house. This is Shawn showing his great-grandma how to use the walkie talkies he got.

Shawn with most of his load.

Later in the week we had a family movie party with treats and popcorn and blankets. Fun fun

We went to a jumping, trampoline type place with some of my family. Shawn was literally crying when we left because he wanted to stay there "100 hours"

"Do not climb walls of the tramps"

We also went for a little walk along the Jordan River. It was such a beautiful week. I don't know if you can see the giant rock hurling through the air. Shawn loves throwing rocks.

Cute little guy worn out by the walk